You Are Worth Dying For

I have always thought that good wisdom does not come from what you know, but with how many wise people you can surround yourself with. Rob Bell takes an interesting look, in his book SexGod, on how we are all "sexual" beings in the context of connection. He then spins off with the importance of respect for girls, both from a guys perspective, and for the girl respecting herself. This is an excerpt from the chapter, "Worth Dying For". I couldn't have said any of this better myself....








You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved and valued. You're good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it's true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth, it will affect every area of life, especially your relationship with men.


You are worth dying for.


Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put out, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your creator. 


You will continue to be tempted in a thousand different ways not to believe this. The temptation will be to go searching for your worth and validity from places other than your creator.


Especially from men.


But you don't have to give yourself away to earn a man's love. You're better than that. You're already loved.


When you give too much of yourself away too quickly, when you show too much skin, you're not being true to yourself. When you dress to show us everything, then in some sense we have all shared in it, or at least been exposed to it. There is a mystery to you, infinite depth and endless complexity. 


As the woman says in the Song of Songs, "My own vineyard is mine to give." In the ancient Near East, a vineyard was a euphemism for sexuality. She is saying that she doesn't give herself to just anyone. She is fully in control of herself, and she is not cheap and she is not easy.


Your strength is a beautiful thing. And when you live in it, when you carry yourself with the honor and dignity that are yours, it forces the men around you to relate to you on more than just a flesh level.


You are worth dying for.


If you're dating someone, what kind of man is he?  Does he demonstrate that he's the kind of man who would die for you?  What is his posture toward the world?  Does he serve, or is he waiting to be served? Does he believe that he's owed something, that he's been shortchanged, that he's gotten the short end of the stick, that life owes him something?  Or is he out to see what he can give?  Does he see himself as being here to make the world a better place?  


These are the big questions that you need to ask yourself.  


Take him to a family reunion.  Do some sort of service project with him.  See how he interacts with people he doesn't like.


Does he have liquid agape running through his veins?  


A friend of mine was engaged to a man, and some of her friends were not excited about them getting married.  As the wedding day approached, one of her friends decided to say something to her.  He said, "When a woman is loved well, she opens up like a flower."


She broke off the engagement soon afterward.  In one brilliant sentence, her friend taught her what agape is and what it isn't.


What does he expect of you?  Does he expect you to sleep with him when he hasn't committed to you forever?  Does he want all of you without his having to give all of him?


Can you tell him anything?  Is he safe?  Can he be trusted?


Can you open up to him, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, knowing that he will protect, not exploit, that vulnerability?


Are you opening like a flower?


When you live in your true identity, when you find your worth and value in your creator, when you live "in Christ," in who you really are, you force him to rethink what it means to be a man.  


Perhaps this is why the text talks about the man dying for the woman.  This can be terrifying for a man.  Committing to a woman for life is going to demand courage, fidelity, and strength he may not know he has.  This is why some men take such pride in their sexual conquests.  They're desperately running from their fear that they don't have what it takes to lay down their lives for a woman.  Sleeping with lots of women gives them the feeling of being a man without actually having to be one.


I was in London last year, riding the subway, and it was crammed with people.  There was a group of kids, probably fifteen or sixteen years old, standing in the middle of the train.  They were paired off-I think there were three couples.  Or perhaps they were starting a local chapter of the happy hands club.  They were all over each other.  The couples, that is.


One of the girls in particular was fascinating to watch.  It was clear that she loved being loved.  Or whatever you would call teenage obsession.  Her boyfriend was full-on groping her in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon in public, and it was clear to the rest of us on the subway that she was thoroughly enjoying it.  


What was intriguing was the look on her face.  She was so happy.  And the happiness was obviously directly tied to her boyfriend. 


What drives a girl to give herself to a boy at such a young age?  What does she believe about herself?  About him?  About sex?  About her worth?  


What if she said to her boyfriend, "I'm interested in your character, your integrity, your honor-I want to find out what you're made of.  Are you brave?  Are you courageous?  Would you fight for me?"


What if she said, "I'm not going to sleep with you anymore because I want to know what, exactly, our relationship is based on"?


What if subway girl demanded that before she gave herself to subway boy, he had to prove that he was the kind of man who would lay down his life for her?


Would subway boy still want to be with subway girl?


Because she's worth dying for.

"You girls are worth dying for",
Tommy