Once Upon a Time...

I would like to begin this post with a fairytale, I hope you enjoy!

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there lived a young woman. Now this woman was beautiful beyond anything else in the land. She had the perfect smokin’ body, she was kind and sweet to everyone (especially when we worked at the soup kitchen eight nights a week), and she got an A+ in all of her classes. She was a dream come true. Now, this young woman met a man who was quite charming. He had chiseled abs on his rippling body, he spent his weekends as a volunteer firefighter saving babies out of burning houses, and he too was acing all his classes. When they met, it was love at first sight; so much so, in fact, that the birds actually began singing the theme song from The Notebook! As they laid eyes on each other, they moved closer and had the most passionate kiss (even more so than the last on in princess bride), and they decided they would get married, have perfect kids and live happily ever after.

This is real life, isn't it? A perfect guy meets a perfect girl, and they have a perfect love. I am here to tell you that this story hardly ever happe....actually scratch that, this story never happens. Before you go and call me the "Scrooge of relationships", let me say where i am coming from. 

I think that it would be marvelous if love happened this way; I have always wanted to be in a Disney movie. Yet, the reality is, that is not reality. People don't just meet and fall in love. It is true that you can be very interested in someone the first time you laid eyes him, but that would be considered infatuation. Love has everything to do with continually giving yourself away to that person, so you can't really do that in a split second. I think we hear quite often how easy it is supposed to be to fall in love, yet these are Disney stories and books that just hinder us from understanding what love actually is.

My dad is a genius. He is very good at speaking into people's lives and speaking wisdom into situations. One day I asked him, "How did you know that mom was ‘the one’?" He said, "You know, I could tell you that your mom was the only person out there that could ever make me happy, but I would be lying to you." 

He continued on, 

"There are six billion people in the world today-there is bound to be someone else that fits everything that your mom has." He told me that it wasn't as much about my mother being a perfect fit for him, but had much more to do with him waking up every morning and deciding to love my mom. 

That is love.

Waking up every morning and deciding to love the other person that day. 

This explains why there is so much divorce, this explains why there is so much separation. It is because people expect that somehow post-marriage is some sort of Disney sequel to SnowWhite and as soon as you kiss her on that altar, life will be sweet. People get lazy, people get tired, then people give up. 

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years! Do you think that there was some struggle? Do you think they went through some trials? Sure they did! What kept them together was that they continued to love one another despite conflict. 

All this being said, A Walk to Remember is a wonderful movie (one of my favorites, shhhh, don't tell) but it is not real. I would be very careful when watching those movies to make sure you realize that is a movie. If you don't, and you begin to get these false ideas of what a relationship looks like, you are going to end up in a good relationship, but be unsatisfied because you expected perfection. That is the struggle and the tension that we see in Disney and beyond.

So may you go out and find a guy that isn't the prince charming, but is your prince charming- and may you learn to love by making a choice, not by how you feel that day.

If only I had a white stallion, 

Tommy

A Short Delay....

Due to finals and the business of the season, there will not be a new blog post till next thursday, 12.17.09. Thanks for understanding, I hope that you enjoy these weeks coming up to Christmas! It's the most wonderful time of the year!


Wishing Christmas would come early this year,
Tommy

Define Dating....

One thing i realized, as of late, is how many people view the term "dating" as something different than the person next to them. In fact, all of us throw this word around, yet there is no standard of what the term actually means. So my hope is to standardize the terms here for this blog, just so when I use "dating", "courting", or any other "relationship word" in later posts, you understand what I mean.

Let's start with the beginning:

Strangers: I don't know you. We have a very little chance of starting a relationship unless this changes.

Acquaintances: Your friend introduced us and now I know your name, and though I may be interested because you are kinda cute, I need a bit more.

Friendship: Wow, we actually know more than the other person's name and we hang out. (This is probably the majority of people you know).

Good Friends: We like to hang out and we actually have deep conversations. I know your character and your beliefs.

Out on a Date: This is dating without the commitment. Saying, "You are neato, I just don't know if I will like you even by next week, but let’s try it out and see."

Dating: We both like each other, we hang out exclusively, and we are "trying each other out" to see if the other person fits. This doesn't have to be too serious-you don't have to get married, yet you are still committed that you are not going to go date anyone else. This is a term used so others know that you two are committed to trying it out.

Courting: You have dated, and it seems to be working. In fact, you are headed towards marriage unless something completely huge comes up (Like the fact that he does not like the new Twilight movie). This truly still leaves room if you find someone that is a better fit, to call it off. Yet, you are saying to this person, "I truly see this working for life, I am not ready to get married, but let’s make this a little more serious."

Fiances: He popped the question, you are ecstatic! He said, "Out of all the people in the world, I choose you to spend the rest of my life with. Do you want to?" Apparently you said "yes", and though you are still not absolutely committed, there would have to be some catastrophic event to not get married. As my friend's mom says, "It's not over till there is a wedding ring on the finger.”

Married: Now you are committed, you have crossed your heart so there is no backing out. You two should be madly in love and one in body and spirit. This is what those relationship statuses from "Going on a date" to "fiances" are headed to. Now you can go forth and have many children. ;)

These are just some terms that many people have many different opinions of what they mean. I hope this will help later posts and bring clarity to what I am saying.

"You keep on using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means..."- Princess Bride,

Tommy