She is Not a Volvo

Well, to restart things, I guess one of the most important steps is explaining my angle. Each of us come to know dating as something different. Whether dating is when he finally pre-marital interdigitates (hold hands), or when he asks your parents if you would accompany him to the symphony this Saturday night after champagne on his yacht. Whatever your view might be, I am pretty sure mine is different. I guess that is the beauty of dating: it is sloppy, and messy, and confusing, and wonderful, all at the same time. Yet, maybe to clarify some of the advice and perspectives, lets start with a car….

First off, I want to say that I am a buyer, not a shopper. My sisters will go out and spend the whole day at the outlet mall only to come home with zip. Zero. Nothing. Seriously, they will spend a whole day just looking. Now, for many of the girls this isn’t too hard to imagine, but for most guys, we don’t get it.

If I am going to the store, I am going to buy. I have a mission and I am not going to look around the clearance section just to see if they can convince me that I need something that I originally didn’t even know existed. It is just not in our blood.

Yet, if we compare dating to buying a car, many guys would take the standpoint of shopping rather than tunnel vision buying. “Shop around a little until you find what you like. Try on this, try on that, and once I find that one that is the perfect fit, or I do something that causes me to have to buy it.” (AKA, I got so attached there is no escape door and I am going to be trapped in this relationship forever and ever). I would argue though, in dating, you want to have the end goal be to buy. It doesn’t mean that it always works out perfectly. But it is pretty selfish and conceited just to get your “fill” by playing someone else.

That’s just my opinion, of course.

That being said, I think dating is like buying a car.

A car is a big purchase. If I go out to get a new car, it is quite the ordeal. We all know that it is serious. People don’t just buy a new car on the whim. It is too expensive to do that.

Way too expensive.

Looking:

So like most people, you drive by car lots everyday. You see a car that you like, you make a note of it, and you log it away in the back of your mind. You also see cars everywhere else you go. And when you drive by one that catches your eye, you begin to narrow down the car you want.

Now, you have kinda decided what you want in a car- your likes, your dislikes, what is important to you, what you could care less about. All of these are important because when you walk on that lot to start looking for a car, these are going to come in handy.

Now I would say walking on the car lot for many of us was middle school. It was the awkward point in your life where you actually cared what awkward Mark thought about you, and awkward Mark didn’t think you were the scum between his toes. This is a big step! Probably if you are like me at all, it was a bit early, but oh well. You entered the car lot. You look around and get to see a few of the cars—kinda check ‘em out.

Then high school comes and you are ready for something a little more serious.

Dating:

You see that car across the lot-she is the one! You are so ecstatic and can’t believe you didn’t see that beauty in the back before. So you go over, and hop in, the guy passes you the keys and you take her out on a test drive. The first block is amazing, you are in heaven! Then you realize the clutch is a bit sticky and the stirring is loose.

Next car….

By this point you are a little fatigued at the disappointment! I thought that car was the one! But no… turned out to have faults you just couldn’t get past. No bigger there are plenty of cars out there, you just have to keep your eyes pealed.

Engaged:

Ok, so you have test driven some cars. Some have failed you, others were too spendy (side note: low maintenance girls are sooo attractive) But you finally found one you like. This time you make it to the highway where the stakes are a little higher, yet the car runs great. You like this one and everything seems to fit. Maybe there is a flaw here or there, but it is as close to perfection as you can get.

So you take that car back and begin discussing how much the car actually costs, how much will they compromise, and you negotiate down the price. By this point, you are going to buy the car, it is just a formality of making all the right preparations before you purchase your dream machine.

Marriage:

Finally, you get all of that negotiating, the tough discussion, and all the hard details and you are ready to sign. You are ready to commit to this car taking you everywhere you need to go. Now it is just placing your signature on the dotted line. The car is yours.

Now of course not all analogies are prefect, but this helps keep me on a good track when I look at my girlfriend and I start to see my friends date. This helps me understand what is going on when things go sour, or when a car is bought and we all go to celebrate.

So go ahead, let’s go car buying!

Glad I’m not dating a PT Cruiser…

Tommy

We Were On A Break!!!!

I realize, I do, that I have been away for quite some time. To be honest, last year just got hectic, and you can understand as much as the next person that sometimes it is better to take a break. Sometimes you just need space. So I wrote this letter to my blog- Kiss and Tell.

To my Love, Kiss and Tell,

You knew that we couldn’t stay apart forever. No, it was just not possible to go our separate ways. In fact, it was fate that brought our two worlds crashing together. You have been way too good to me, and for that, I just can’t walk away. Yes, I thought I would be okay without you. I thought that some space would be good. But now, we have had our space; we have gone our ways: we must come back together. Gravity has tugged and pulled us together again. Oh this tangled love affair. How I hope that you can forgive me! Please forgive me! I promise, I didn’t write on any other blogs, my hands were tied for you! You and only you! So take me back K&T! Take me back!

In Love, sweet Love,

Tommy

Okay, maybe that is a little melodramatic…

But hey, it is great to be back; I hope I wasn’t gone too long!

So ready….

Setty…….

KISS AND TELL!

PS- Feel free to post questions or email: clapperman@gmail.com

Not Even A Hint

After that break (which was much needed), I made the choice to only release one post a week. So every Monday a new one will be out there. Thanks to everyone who reads these! Hope you all still enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!



For some reason, growing up in my household, I guess I became desensitized to a lot of “bad stuff’ on TV. Thinking it is not a big deal since I am clearly not the one doing the stuff, I really shrugged it off whenever it came on. However, over Christmas break, I began to notice just how much crud is on television and the more I watched, the more I realized there are very few shows or movies that do not include some sort of reference, or straight up views of the naughty naughty. 



But it was deeper than just seeing them. I realized that being around that influence makes you begin to think different. For guys, purity is a huge struggle (so be careful even what you joke about to guys).  I think a huge piece of this is what we allow into our minds. If I am watching some guy just grab a girl and kiss her, cause apparently he felt like it, it is easy to begin to think that is real life. (Don’t worry; I am not going to try it anytime soon).



The truth is, we are all affected by what we see on the television, what music we listen to, and so on. Stuff gets in our head and it is hard to get out. So we need to be very direct in what we allow into our minds.

But for you ladies out there, I have a bigger challenge for you. Now, to preface this, I don’t want you to think I am letting up the slack on guys at all, cause I am not. I would, however, love for your girls to expect more from guys (this is your boyfriend, guy friends, random stranger). Ephesians 5:3 says, “Not even a hint of sexual immorality”. What does that look like?



I would say this is one of those that is going to seem extreme, because our culture is so not this way, but is huge to any relationship that you want to be centered on respect. Many guys have a tendency to “take what they can get” and girls, oftentimes you allow guys to get away with stuff that they shouldn’t be getting away with. 



The guy makes a joke.



He pushes physical boundaries.



He…whatever. Fill in the blank.



The fact is, what would happen if girls demanded guys to respect them? (And this goes both ways). I think we would change. If I knew that I couldn’t be around the girl I liked unless I was bringing my A game purity wise, I would strap up and make sure I was treating her great. But if some girl is like, “Oh, any joke you make is funny. I don’t feel comfortable doing that, but I guess if you want to….” It is going to be mighty hard for the guy to stay pure around and with you. 



Finally, girls, the guy should not be making it a struggle for you. If you are in a relationship or you like a guy, whatever you want to call it, and he isn’t showing you respect, demand it or get out. Pursue a guy to whom purity is important because I can guarantee it is going to affect your relationship, marriage, and how he treats other women. It is an important thing and if girls were to demand it, I believe it would become much more important to the guys too. 



Remember: Not even a hint,
Tommy