Not Even A Hint

After that break (which was much needed), I made the choice to only release one post a week. So every Monday a new one will be out there. Thanks to everyone who reads these! Hope you all still enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!



For some reason, growing up in my household, I guess I became desensitized to a lot of “bad stuff’ on TV. Thinking it is not a big deal since I am clearly not the one doing the stuff, I really shrugged it off whenever it came on. However, over Christmas break, I began to notice just how much crud is on television and the more I watched, the more I realized there are very few shows or movies that do not include some sort of reference, or straight up views of the naughty naughty. 



But it was deeper than just seeing them. I realized that being around that influence makes you begin to think different. For guys, purity is a huge struggle (so be careful even what you joke about to guys).  I think a huge piece of this is what we allow into our minds. If I am watching some guy just grab a girl and kiss her, cause apparently he felt like it, it is easy to begin to think that is real life. (Don’t worry; I am not going to try it anytime soon).



The truth is, we are all affected by what we see on the television, what music we listen to, and so on. Stuff gets in our head and it is hard to get out. So we need to be very direct in what we allow into our minds.

But for you ladies out there, I have a bigger challenge for you. Now, to preface this, I don’t want you to think I am letting up the slack on guys at all, cause I am not. I would, however, love for your girls to expect more from guys (this is your boyfriend, guy friends, random stranger). Ephesians 5:3 says, “Not even a hint of sexual immorality”. What does that look like?



I would say this is one of those that is going to seem extreme, because our culture is so not this way, but is huge to any relationship that you want to be centered on respect. Many guys have a tendency to “take what they can get” and girls, oftentimes you allow guys to get away with stuff that they shouldn’t be getting away with. 



The guy makes a joke.



He pushes physical boundaries.



He…whatever. Fill in the blank.



The fact is, what would happen if girls demanded guys to respect them? (And this goes both ways). I think we would change. If I knew that I couldn’t be around the girl I liked unless I was bringing my A game purity wise, I would strap up and make sure I was treating her great. But if some girl is like, “Oh, any joke you make is funny. I don’t feel comfortable doing that, but I guess if you want to….” It is going to be mighty hard for the guy to stay pure around and with you. 



Finally, girls, the guy should not be making it a struggle for you. If you are in a relationship or you like a guy, whatever you want to call it, and he isn’t showing you respect, demand it or get out. Pursue a guy to whom purity is important because I can guarantee it is going to affect your relationship, marriage, and how he treats other women. It is an important thing and if girls were to demand it, I believe it would become much more important to the guys too. 



Remember: Not even a hint,
Tommy

We Can Do It...

This is a call to action ladies- a call to be above reproach.

Recently I have noticed that guys are getting away with a whole lot and I am going to blame you for it. Before you get your pantyhose in a knot and plot some devious way to help me lose my "manhood," let me explain myself. The guys are to be blamed too, let's be honest: it is them who are pushing it. But at the same time, if you are not a part of the solution, you are definitely part of the problem.

Also, before you read the rest of this blog, you need to decide what side you are on. Some girls would say that whatever attention they can get, is good attention. If this is the case, you can stop reading now and go on with painting your nails and and planning every detail of your wedding (isn't that what you girls do?). But, if you demand respect and want less problems with guys getting the wrong impression, then please read on.

We live in a flirtatious world. I used to think this was the best thing since MacBook laptops (which are pretty amazing).  My friend and I thought there was nothing wrong with pushing the lines with "harmless flirting" and often times we would, and could, do it in the name of "friendliness." Looking back now, I realize just how naive I was in thinking these things.

Flirting is not bad. What is bad is leading however many guys on as you can hoping that one of them will stick. Quantity does not equal quality here. The fact is, no guy wants a really flirty girl. They may be fun to flirt with but when you get into a more serious relationship than just flirt-pals, the guy wants to know that you like him-he really doesn't wanna know, or even think, that you like other guys. So I will tell you, those that flirt now, will flirt later. This is true for both. So you are going to do so much better if you just lay low on the flirting unless it is with that one guy you are pursuing.

On a side note, this is the whole, "Do unto others as you want them to do unto you." Put yourself in the guy's shoes. Would you like him to be joke-pushing other girls around? If not, why are you joke-pushing other guys around? Just something to think about. You don't have to be seclusive and not nice to everyone, but like I said in my earlier blog, you want him like you see him way more different than any other guy.

Now, maybe you aren't a flirt. In fact, you would consider yourself very good about not leading guys on. Thank you! You are the type of girls that us guys want to pursue because we know you will be 100% faithful if we ever dated you! But you aren't off the hook yet. Maybe you don't flirt, but that doesn't mean that you don't allow boys to flirt with you. Now, I know. Attention is pretty dang nice and pretty hard to say no to, especially when you have had a hard day and you swore the light just twinkled off his teeth. However, there are certain guys that are flirts and that will flirt with you at all cost.

Now, often times there isn't a whole lot you can do with a flirty guy. You don't wanna be that girl that is always, "Don't talk to me, don't touch me, don't look at me..." That being said, if you are allowing a guy to cross a line-and I think we all know what those lines are-you are disrespecting yourself, you are encouraging the guy, and you are disrespecting your future spouse. Sounds bad, right? It also is going to look very untrustworthy to the guy you like. How is he supposed to know if you are going to speak up or not every time a guy puts his arm around you? How can he trust that you won't be flirting when he isn't there? And again, this works the opposite way: you know that if you like a guy that seems to flirt a lot, it is hard to trust that when you are not there, he won't be flirting with whomever.

This can, and probably will get awkward. But you need to be willing to say to a guy, "Listen, that really isn't ok for you to be doing, show me some respect." You need to be willing to get up if a guy puts his arm around you. You need to be the one that doesn't push back when a guy pushes you.

Don't be afraid to ask girls to keep you accountable and together you can join Rosie the Riveter in saying, "We Can Do It!"

I know for myself, this is something I need to work on. Though I don't feel like I am flirtatious, it is only fair that I don't be too friendly, and honestly I need to be willing to take the high road. Though it may seem "no fun" at times, I need to be above reproach so that it doesn't look like I am flirting and also so I don't lead any girls on. This means even if it seems like a girl is flirting, I need to step back and not return the favor. Hopefully, I can honor my future wife along with any girls that flirt with me.

Looking for my own Rosie the Riveter,

Tommy