She is Not a Volvo

Well, to restart things, I guess one of the most important steps is explaining my angle. Each of us come to know dating as something different. Whether dating is when he finally pre-marital interdigitates (hold hands), or when he asks your parents if you would accompany him to the symphony this Saturday night after champagne on his yacht. Whatever your view might be, I am pretty sure mine is different. I guess that is the beauty of dating: it is sloppy, and messy, and confusing, and wonderful, all at the same time. Yet, maybe to clarify some of the advice and perspectives, lets start with a car….

First off, I want to say that I am a buyer, not a shopper. My sisters will go out and spend the whole day at the outlet mall only to come home with zip. Zero. Nothing. Seriously, they will spend a whole day just looking. Now, for many of the girls this isn’t too hard to imagine, but for most guys, we don’t get it.

If I am going to the store, I am going to buy. I have a mission and I am not going to look around the clearance section just to see if they can convince me that I need something that I originally didn’t even know existed. It is just not in our blood.

Yet, if we compare dating to buying a car, many guys would take the standpoint of shopping rather than tunnel vision buying. “Shop around a little until you find what you like. Try on this, try on that, and once I find that one that is the perfect fit, or I do something that causes me to have to buy it.” (AKA, I got so attached there is no escape door and I am going to be trapped in this relationship forever and ever). I would argue though, in dating, you want to have the end goal be to buy. It doesn’t mean that it always works out perfectly. But it is pretty selfish and conceited just to get your “fill” by playing someone else.

That’s just my opinion, of course.

That being said, I think dating is like buying a car.

A car is a big purchase. If I go out to get a new car, it is quite the ordeal. We all know that it is serious. People don’t just buy a new car on the whim. It is too expensive to do that.

Way too expensive.

Looking:

So like most people, you drive by car lots everyday. You see a car that you like, you make a note of it, and you log it away in the back of your mind. You also see cars everywhere else you go. And when you drive by one that catches your eye, you begin to narrow down the car you want.

Now, you have kinda decided what you want in a car- your likes, your dislikes, what is important to you, what you could care less about. All of these are important because when you walk on that lot to start looking for a car, these are going to come in handy.

Now I would say walking on the car lot for many of us was middle school. It was the awkward point in your life where you actually cared what awkward Mark thought about you, and awkward Mark didn’t think you were the scum between his toes. This is a big step! Probably if you are like me at all, it was a bit early, but oh well. You entered the car lot. You look around and get to see a few of the cars—kinda check ‘em out.

Then high school comes and you are ready for something a little more serious.

Dating:

You see that car across the lot-she is the one! You are so ecstatic and can’t believe you didn’t see that beauty in the back before. So you go over, and hop in, the guy passes you the keys and you take her out on a test drive. The first block is amazing, you are in heaven! Then you realize the clutch is a bit sticky and the stirring is loose.

Next car….

By this point you are a little fatigued at the disappointment! I thought that car was the one! But no… turned out to have faults you just couldn’t get past. No bigger there are plenty of cars out there, you just have to keep your eyes pealed.

Engaged:

Ok, so you have test driven some cars. Some have failed you, others were too spendy (side note: low maintenance girls are sooo attractive) But you finally found one you like. This time you make it to the highway where the stakes are a little higher, yet the car runs great. You like this one and everything seems to fit. Maybe there is a flaw here or there, but it is as close to perfection as you can get.

So you take that car back and begin discussing how much the car actually costs, how much will they compromise, and you negotiate down the price. By this point, you are going to buy the car, it is just a formality of making all the right preparations before you purchase your dream machine.

Marriage:

Finally, you get all of that negotiating, the tough discussion, and all the hard details and you are ready to sign. You are ready to commit to this car taking you everywhere you need to go. Now it is just placing your signature on the dotted line. The car is yours.

Now of course not all analogies are prefect, but this helps keep me on a good track when I look at my girlfriend and I start to see my friends date. This helps me understand what is going on when things go sour, or when a car is bought and we all go to celebrate.

So go ahead, let’s go car buying!

Glad I’m not dating a PT Cruiser…

Tommy