Into You or Just a Nice Guy?

Here is a true problem that I see everyday in college-misinterpreting a nice person. In a normal public college, if a guy is nice to you, it is so abnormal that he must be going out of his way to show you he likes you. However, in a Christian setting, most of us are nice. It just comes natural! This is great except, how do you know if he is into you, or if he is just a nice guy?


This is where it gets a little messy because there are no easy answers. I wish I could tell you that if he carries your books for you to class, he is for sure into you. This, however,

could just be his personality, he could do this for every girl and he just views you as a "sister".


Guys like me struggle from Nice Guy Syndrome (NGS). If I am friendly with a girl and show some teeth, suddenly I am seen as a flirt or worse, the girl assumes that I must like her. Though girls are great, and a guy doesn't mind extra attention, a Nice Guy isn't going to want to lead you on, yet he doesn't want to be a jerk to you either. So be careful in understanding that some guys just naturally struggle from this symptom and it is something that you have put up with if you are going to be looking for a guy in a Christian college.


So then, how do you distinguish NGS from a guy who digs ya? Here's the lowdown. Persistence and him putting the icing on the cake is going to be your best option for knowing. What I mean is this: if you have a guy that is constantly going out of his way to treat you even more special than he treats the rest of the gals, that is a pretty good sign that he is into you. 

Now, before you go writing out the wedding plans because he has been smiling at you every time you pass in the hall, let's throw down some ground rules.


1. You gotta keep things in perspective: Figure out what kind of guy he is and know if he smiles at everyone or not. Don't just assume that a nice gesture that you didn't expect is something that he doesn't normally do. He could really be that nice to everyone.


2. Friendly doesn't mean flirty: Though it often can look like it, it is so hard to know if a person is just being friendly or if he is actually really interested and is trying to drop some hints.


3. It comes down to time: It probably won't happen that quick, it is going to take time to get to know what kind of fella you are going after. It is going to take time to realize if he is making nice gestures over and over again, or if it was a random act of kindness. So don't assume right away, look at it over a timeline longer than a week and then go from there.

Now, even though you may be more confused than ever because I really can't give you definites (though I wish I could), here are some more clear signs that he is most likely into you. Just take these with a grain of salt, but understand that for the majority of guys, these are code for, "Hey, you are super pretty and I like you lots!":


A. Spending extensive time with you-especially if it takes effort on his end

B. Walking you back to the dorms (especially over and over again)
C. Asking to walk to the sign (I don't really get why this is romantic but....oh well)
D. Being interested in stuff that you are interested in
E. Asking you to marry him
F. Willing to go way out of his way to make your day (no rhyme intended!)


Though these aren't sure

-fire, every guy is going to show affection in a different way, and you can use these as checkpoints that can help you interpret his actions. 

Don't misinterpret my niceness for a wedding ring,
Tommy

Let's Begin...

You have made eye contact with that cutie across the room, and you are sure you are mfeo(made for each other). Ok, maybe that is an exaggeration. You do think he's cute though, and wishing for him to come over and talk to you is all that is going through your mind. As a girl, you know the code: Never be too forward. You are spot on there-great job! But before you go treating yourself to double chocolate ice cream, here's a thought for you. Guys are human too (even if it never seems like it), and because of their mortality, they are unable to read your mind. 

So my first point: Guys aren't going to know you like them if you give them the cold shoulder.

I know it is a natural instinct to totally ignore the guy-don't. Fight the urge. The guy doesn't want a girl that gives him one smile, walks up to him and blurts, "I want to have your beautiful babieees!" That is too forward. Most guys aren't looking to get married tomorrow... at least the guys that you are looking for. So if you aren't supposed to be forward, and you aren't supposed to give him the cold shoulder, what do you do? 

This is where the "dating game" comes in. For the majority, you have to clue the guy in without being overbearing. This could be a quick glance, a lingering smile, a quick peck on the lips (just making sure you are still paying attention). Pretty much you want to show the guy that you don't see him like any other guy you know. If you treat him like everyone else, don't expect him to treat you any different. 

When it comes down to it, guys are complicated unless you break them down into simplistic terms- guys like the chase. We like to feel like we did something, accomplished the task, defeated the giant.... that being said, we want a giant we can accomplish. If you play too hard to get, we probably will give up. Don't make him travel the countryside looking for your foot to fit the slipper (at least not right now), throw him a bone or two, so he knows that he is doing well. A little encouragement never hurt anyone.
So go ahead, feel free to flirt a little with him, let him know that you are interested. Don't over-think it, just take a deep breath, and give him that smirk that you know works. 

Looking for the chase without the girl wanting to have my babies,

Tommy

Salutations

Most every girl, at some point or another, has this simple thought-What the heck is he thinking right now?!!! Although no one will ever really be able to fully answer this question, I am hoping to give some insight into what may be going on in the deep pit that is the mind of a guy. Now, let me begin by saying that I will mostly be giving you the opinion of a christian college guy, seeing as I am one, and that being said, these concepts don't apply to everyone. These are just a few points to think about as you make eye contact with that hwnb (hottie with a naughty body) on the other side of the room.

Oh, and to make this even better for us, feel free to leave questions in the comment bar. I want to keep this up to date with stuff that is going on in your life.

As Drew says, "Punch the guys, kiss the girls",

Tommy